Mad

I’ve been meaning to write for a while, but I’m not exactly sure what to write about. I feel like all my frustrations have lost focus and I’m just banging my head for no reason any more. I find myself getting mad at things in church and school and in friends and I don’t even know why.

Today I sat in on a chapel about lamenting the sucky things in life and how there is hope on the other side. For my school that is mighty impressive, typically the concept of God not feeling near is something to be dreaded at all cost. Going through “the dark night of the soul” (man that phrase has started to chap my ass) today seems to be something to get out of as soon as possible and to dread more than Godzilla. But today I actually heard someone say that it was an okay place to be. It blew my mind, and I should have been jumping up and down for joy but I was still pissed.

Despite the chapels better message however, I couldn’t look past the low lights, interpretive dance with a candle involved. I couldn’t see that the service was actually a move to something I see as a more ‘authentic’ (for lack of a word that buzzes a little less) faith. There were no delusions that life is going to be great as a Christian. No one during the service pronounced that God heals all your troubles, at least not blatantly, instead they focused on hope that things will probably get better.

Maybe I was blind to the positive because in the class I had just before chapel I had to contend with someone talking about how if you become a Christian God will save you from your alcoholism. I nearly punched the guy. He later went on to say that God heals all and if all we do is pray to God than we’ll have a rosy life.

WHAT THE HELL! Does this guy lived in the world as we know it? Its messed up, I spent 5 years of my life nearly house bound because of Chronic Fatigue. Did I get better when with the unshakable faith of a 9 or 10 year I prayed for healing? No, I spend years struggling with being sick, depressed and otherwise shitty. Did God heal one of the few people at a church that is about to die who could actually help heal the church? No and now his family doesn’t have a father.

I have to say, if you’ve never dealt with a chronic illness or anything really serious in your life or in your family’s life than you should just shut the hell up about things you haven’t experienced. If you have never eaten an ice cream cone, how can you help someone else understand what it is like and how to do it? At least you can’t and be correct. Be careful all you who have had a fairly painless life so far, recognize how lucky you are and don’t claim that there is some quick and simple fix to everyone else’s life.